to prepare for war

This is the first post in a long time. Why? Because stupid blogger (or maybe my internet connection) decided not to work after I created a magnificent post equivalent to 9 pages in word with a 12 point font. When I proceeded to reopen blogger and paste it again, my computer decided to crash. So I’ve been on strike for a while and haven't written any posts. But today I’ve felt the need to vent a bit. I have a lot of anger piled up and even more frustration and I figure this is a god way to let it out. Not that anybody reads this crap anyway.

So, classes began almost a month ago. The beginning was smooth, kids came in, teachers did their job and everything went well. Biology woman had a bit of a strong start as did physics guy, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Chem guy has been surprisingly nice to me thus far, I wonder why.

So far we’ve done experiments on spectrum analysis of the elements, experimental observation, water properties, density, genetics and dna extraction and electrophoresis, circular motion, motion, light properties, gravity, buffer properties, common reactions, chemical titrations, bernoulli’s law, food testing, empirical formulas, indicators and blah blah blah.

Actually, the last week of august was when most of those experiments took place, I officially named it the WEEK FROM HELL. Proudly sponsored by Dante’s treason shop and Lucifer Holdings Inc.

Things I haven’t done before: phenolphthalein and sudan III. I realized that phenolphthalein doesn’t dissolve all that well in ethanol (as the instructions made up by a previous lab tech indicated). Thinking back I realized that I read that methylated spirits would do it, so I used methanol, and voila, it worked. Sudan’s just a bitch to make because you must heat everything up and then let cool down and then filter and ah, takes too freakin long.

In any case, workwise everything’s good. And I say this even though some girls tipped over the tv cart and the tv went slam into the ground earlier today, generating a moment of much stress. Luckily the tv was sturdy (meaning old) and it didn’t break.

Now my personal life’s a mess. The last 2 weeks were all about the move. My parents sold the house to my uncle and bought the apartment right next to my grandmother’s, who is 87 and will soon be in need for permanent care and by living next door, she doesn’t have to hire a nurse. Last Wednesday we started moving and finished by Friday.

The apartment is nice but in bad shape, it’s been empty for about 4 years. The previous owner had bought it for his daughter as a wedding present but she moved out of the country and never got to live in it. The man’s relatively wealthy and kept the place just in case but never did anything with it, but 4 years can accumulate a lot of crap and damage some stuff. So the seals on the plumbing are all rotten and everything leaks in there. The people who last lived there did all these really expensive yet extremely retarded changes (like having the washer/dryer in the fucking kitchen, while there is a laundry space behind the kitchen), and nothing works. We need to overhaul the kitchen because the oven/stove doesn’t work and it’s gas operated. I have no problem with gas burners, but the oven… nah, no thanks, too much a hassle. And it's too damn uncomfortable, terrible use of space.

My bathroom is just plain awful, red toiled and a tiny little shower. My room is bigger than my room in the house, I also have more closet space to actually keep my shit organized. I have a big beam in the middle of the ceiling that I plant to hang my punching bag from and enough space for a big comfy chair. The living room is not bad either, pretty spacious if you ask me. The dining room is about the same size we had in the house. My parent’s room is absurdly small but cozy. As I mentioned, my bathroom is crap, and so is every bathroom in the apartment (3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms), they all need to be overhauled, especially that of my parents. The view is not bad, we have the whole city at our feet, and not slums in sight, they’re all behind a hill or another. Only nice things in sight. I’m not malcontent with the place.

It sucks that I had to leave my dog behind, which is one thing that bugged the shit out of me during the move. My baby, my sophie, she’s like my only child and I had to leave her in the perhaps incapable hands of my uncle’s relatives. His immediate circle is not bad and he himself is not a bad person, but his mother in law, who lives with them, has got to be the rudest person alive. She started bossing me around in a very insulting way the day we were moving out and they were moving in, like I was an employee of hers or something, and like i didn't have anything else to do. He also must house his sister in law, who is a complete bitch and a useless parasite. She can’t do anything, she barely has any schooling, but she does have a superiority complex and thinks herself the greatest thing on the planet. I am officially at war with those two women so long as they don’t apologize for their rude and outrageous behaviour towards me. I’ve treated them with nothing but respect and have always been courteous and cooperative with them, and do not believe that I have ever done anything to deserve such treatment.

See children why education and politeness is so important.

I’ve also formally proposed marriage to my girlfriend. She said yes. But then the question comes in on how we’re doing this. I’m afraid this won’t work and that I might call the whole thing off. Honestly, it’s probably for the best as I cannot provide for her a decent life as we are and I absolutely want to get the fuck out of this insane country and she’s attached by the hip to her family, it's quite sick how they control her and how she lets them. Her family will fight to the very end to prevent her leaving the country, or even the city.

I want to go back north, maybe move out to Edmonton or something; she says she’ll join me, but somehow I find it hard to trust this promise as all her actions are geared to anchoring us to this madhouse. You don’t think about buying an apartment or furniture if you want to get the hell out of here as soon as you get married right? I’m in such deep shit.

But then there’s the issue of love and heartbreak. We love each other and I would hate to break her heart, but rational thinking calls for an end. But love is greater than rational thinking so I’m going to let my chemical dependence guide my path; you never know what it might end up looking like.

Then there’s the issue of money, we don’t earn enough money together to pay for a decent rented apartment. Well, we do, for just rent; but then there’s living costs and car costs and services to pay for. There’s simply not enough money.

Another problem is that I’m absolutely sure I can make it on my own in Canada, Germany, or wherever I am. I am not sure if I can make it with her, though. Mainly because I’ve lived there and know exactly what it takes to succeed, what sacrifices must be made, and I don’t think she has what it takes and definitely will not be up for the sacrifices and the challenges. But the whole point of doing this is so our future children have a better chance of having a nice, decent life. Since we’re both the offspring of immigrants, people who came to this hellhole in search of better opportunities (40 years ago this wasn’t a bad place at all, it looked like it had a future, but like all things are left to chance, and it went to hell). What kind of future can a person offer their children in a country that is going the way Cuba went 40 years ago?

Cuba is another one of the earth’s armpits, where poverty is the rule and there’s no freedom to do anything. People don’t often see this though, because all people that go to Cuba go as tourists and only see what they’re meant to see, they don’t get to see the reality. Don’t believe all you read about Cuba, it is not a nice place to live and people don’t have it easy there.

Well, then there’s science that worries me. Baby steps. Understanding and interest in science is decreasing, religious groups blocking the teaching of the sciences and political agendas pushing science backwards is screwing the planet over. We’re winning fewer battles every day, the age of enlightenment is ending because we’re too stupid to learn and accept the truth.

We’re digging our own grave here. But then again, if we keep on this trend, I might not have to worry about giving my kids a chance because we’ll all be dead due to draught, food shortages, disease and war. Mostly war for resources, especially water. But thinking of it, the timeline suggests it’s my offspring that will suffer the effects or our lack of resolve and action to fix this dump we call earth. If it all goes down like I think it will, the US will invade Canada and take over Canada just to take over the control of its water resources… and oil while they’re at it, in about 30 to 50 years.

Then again, once the humanity ceases to exist, bacteria and some species of insects will prevail. Perhaps even some kind of mammal and fish and bird. Hopefully some small populations of human beings will survive the crisis and they will have learned the lessons taught by selfishness and greed, and do it better next time around.

As I wrote this, an experiment on conservation of mass and one on metal displacement came in. Shouldn’t be too hard to make. Conservation of mass needs flasks, tubes, stoppers and corks plus 1M solutions of sodium carbonate, calcium chloride and sulfuric acid. You react Na2CO3 and H2SO4 and so on. You react Na2CO3 and CaCl2 and so on. All in sealed containers. The whole point is to prove that mass is kept throughout the reaction, and that matter cannot be destroyed. The other I just need to make some nitrates and metal shavings... piece of cake.

Cheers and peace to all.